Faith and Trust.

Faith and trust aren't really the same thing, and I just came to the realization that I don't have much of either.

I should have had realized this a couple months back when we received a support check in the mail. I was walking down the stairs, thinking dreary thoughts about the fact that I had only raised 300 dollars a month, and paused to open the mail that was waiting for us. There, amid the bills and junk mail, was a support check for 7500 dollars. Julia quickly called the friend that had sent it and heard an incredible story:

"God has really blessed us this year and we promised him we would tithe from whatever we received. We have not really known what to tithe to and we weren't really hearing anything from God it seemed. One night I was thinking of you and I prayed for you guys and the next day we got that packet from you guys and we knew that that's what God wanted us to do with our tithe. So there it is. I hope your ministry grows like a wild fire. =)"

I believed, somewhere, an ambient theology - something on my peripheral - that God provides. But, I was planning on being prepared just in case the God thing didn't work out. I see the circumstance around this gift as more than coincidence, and it affects how I am asking for support. I have faith that God is going to take care of what I need.

Faith is something you can reason. I believe God is good and loves me. I believe he is at work redeeming the world - I rarely feel like I can rest in these beliefs. It is nothing more than an ambient theology - living in my peripheral vision.

I want trust. Trust that God will never leave me. Trust that I am good enough. Trust that God is at work in and through me as well as in and through the world. Don't you?

Brennan Manning writes,

"Nouwen's earlier books are peppered with the word faith. And yet in his swan song, he uses faith once and trust sixty-five times. My point? Somewhere along the way, in the life of the maturing Christian, faith combined with hope grows into trust. Based on the lived experience of God's relentless faithfulness, a confidence blossoms that God is with us to continue and finish what he started. So unwavering was this trust in Nouwen's life that he envisioned his own death as a happy experience. Of this I am convinced."

- Andrew